Welcome to Your Winter Vacation Cabin

February 28th, 2010


  1. Please make yourself right at home. You are free to dump your belongings on top of the furniture or on the floor. You may notice that there are four closets located throughout the house. The two inch deep closet without shelves is purely for decoration. There is a mostly empty closet in one of the bedrooms. We hope you remembered to bring your own hangers. If not, we have thoughtfully provided you with the free hangers from our recent purchases at Walmart (sizes S and XXL). The two closets in the master bedroom are filled with our personal belongings and locked. If you would like closet space in the master bedroom, buy your own cabin.
  2. You can save money by cooking your own food. We found the stove and toaster oven by the side of the road and they both still seem to work. Please do not try to reset the clocks on the microwave or stove, however. They are only 45 minutes ahead and you can do the math. Note that the microwave is not actually broken. If you set it to popcorn it will turn on for 4.5 seconds at a time. If your food needs more time, please use the stove.
  3. Chipped plates and bowls we found at tag sales as well as mugs that are still perfectly useable are conveniently provided for you. You will probably want to wash them before use if you are particularly fussy about clean dishes. The dishwasher will work if you push all the buttons in proper succession. The cycle takes approximately four hours. Please keep in mind that the condition of the kitchen appliances and cookware help make your stay so affordable.
  4. Three kitchen cabinets are filled with dog bowls, dog vitamins, and outdoor tablecloths from last summer. We were going to clean them out but didn’t get to it yet.
  5. A water cooler is available for your use. Please arrange for payment and delivery of your own water if you do not like the smell of sulfer. Note that the brown stains and smell of rotten eggs in the bathrooms are also a result of the well water, which really shouldn’t be a big deal because it’s not like you’re here permanently or anything.
  6. The shower door in the master bedroom will be fixed next week after you leave. Kindly line the bathroom floor with towels to prevent flooding.
  7. You are free to use our internet access. If you brought your own magnifying glass you may be able to make out the 70-character code stamped onto the modem. This is the password. Yes, it is case sensitive.
  8. As you know from our website, the cabin has four bedrooms and sleeps 12 people, including your frat buddies on the floors of the common rooms. We provide you with one key, which you may divide up as you see fit.
  9. Linens are provided for you. Please use them gently because if we have to keep washing them they will surely fall apart faster.
  10. Towels are not provided. All our really junky towels are for our guests when we use the cabin in the summer.
  11. If you have any complaints or problems, we’d prefer if you kept them to yourself. With any luck, we’ll have paid off our mortgage by next summer and not have to rent to ungrateful wretches like you.

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